what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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