batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
