I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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