I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
