i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
