Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
