Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
thus making me awesome and them whores
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
