the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
fuck your aforementioned shoe
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Randomize
