I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
sex in a hospital.. check
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
