I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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