I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Randomize
