why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
