i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
