Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
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