I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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