ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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