remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
