Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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