covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
