Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
