If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
