I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
