they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
