I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
