also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize