Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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