God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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