8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
