His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
