I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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