is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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