Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
