Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I think a kid would responsible me up
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
