It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize