why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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