I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
My liver is preforming stress tests.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
