apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
