i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
you had me at cake vodka
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
