guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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