We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
