hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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