I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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