So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
