and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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