You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize