I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
