Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
The ass gains better be worth it
I did not marry a roomba.
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