Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
