Your face is a jimmy john
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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