Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize