your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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