What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
