Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
