Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize