Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
