why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
