Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
