Banned from zoo.
Again?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
