So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
