Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
