when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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