I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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