Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
is that a dick in a sweater?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
