I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
