Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
The feeling are messing with the penis
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
