Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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