The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
