Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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