haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize