I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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