someone get that fucking seahorse.
Your dad touched me again.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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