ya dads aren't the best wingmen
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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