He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
