Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
