you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
